Sun rising over the mountain outside my parents’ windows. (Mt. Mansfield, to be exact.)
I spent the weekend in Burlington because my brother is losing his 15 year battle against cancer…which I’m not going to talk about right now because my heart is breaking and I just can’t.
But on my way in to see him at the hospital, I spotted a Quebec license plate–something you see a lot of in Burlington because the province is so close. On Quebec plates is the phrase Je me souviens and every time I see it my first thought is always “I am a souvenir” because I do not speak French and I have a tendency to make up translations when I don’t speak the language. (I like to think of it as one of my endearing qualities, but I’m not sure Steve would agree.)
Of course, I know that’s not what je me souviens actually means because Steve speaks French (fluently, I might add, which I’m ridiculously jealous of) and I’m pretty sure he once told me that it means “I remember.”
But still, as I sat in traffic staring at this plate, I thought “I am a souvenir.”
I really like that idea. I AM a souvenir–something to be remembered and treasured. You are too. We ALL are.
My brother is a souvenir, and I’ve been sifting through memories filtered and softened by time, and savoring my limited time with him this weekend, trying to capture moments in my mind, holding him in my heart, treasuring him in every way I can.
And I suppose my silly (non)translation is very similar to the actual meaning because a souvenir serves to remind us. Though I’m sure the motto must refer to some battle or a revolution of some sort so it’s really not the same thing at all. (And I’m obviously too lazy to look it up…) But still. To me it’s the same. Remembering something–or someone–who’s important. Who should be remembered. Who will be remembered.
My brother and me this past weekend.
Je me souviens.
Beautiful. Hugs and strength to you and your family. Love you!
What a beautiful thought…and I love the picture of you and your brother. I worked with him for several years and we have kept in touch, mostly by facebook. In fact, he is the one who first put me in touch with you and your writing. He’s very proud of you, as I’m sure you know.
I wanted to say something about family, love, and bravery. But there’s nothing that I can possibly say that will take away the pain and loss. You made me cry, this Tuesday morning. You made me remember all the people I have lost, to cancer and other equally unfair things. Thank you.
Je me souviens <3
beautiful words — my heart hurts for you & your family <3
Beautiful post. *hugs* to you and your family. You will be in my thoughts and prayers!!
It’s so hard. I’m sorry.
Your lovely words and photos touched me this morning. You and your brother are now firmly wedged in my thoughts, and I will be thinking the best for you.
Reading this post brought a flood of painful memories back. The battle my mom went through and eventually lost. My heart aches for you. Such absolutely beautiful words on this post dear and I love your translation of that phrase on the license plate. My God give your heart comfort and peace through your journey. Know that there are many who love and care about you. I loved the picture of you and your brother. Treasure every single memory for they will keep you going :) be blessed I am so glad to have met you. :)
Hi Jen,
Your brother and I, as well as Katrina go way back! He is such an amazing human. I loved reading this beautiful and powerful piece today. I am so sorry for the hearts that have to break as we say goodbye to your incredible brother. I hope that you can find some peace in the coming days, weeks, months and know that people are sending loving thoughts and…we are remembering. Always.
Jen Flemming
Thank you, thank you to everyone for your kind words, thoughts, and prayers. I appreciate it all so much more than I can ever express. <3
Oh, Jenny. I thank God for people like you who can put into words so eloquently what we are feeling. Because I am a dinosaur, it’s the first picture of John I have seen, & I so appreciate it. Hoping to connect with the fam this holiday weekend.
Tons of love
Oh, Frau I hope you do. They’ll love to hear from/see you. XOXO
So very sorry about your brother. I will remember you both in my prayers.
You are souveniers to each other.
So true, Connie. And many thanks.
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